Monday, February 14, 2005

Sentiment from the past

You're thinking "It's Valentine's Day, I'm sure Will Mosher has some biting, cynical, sarcastic column about what a load of crap Valentine's Day is."

How it's nothing more than a Hallmark holiday, or how it's the day that makes single people feel bad, or something about the dangers of not getting that "special someone" the right gift because if it's too much too soon, that's bad, but if it's not enough, that's bad too.

And to you I'd say, "I'm glad that's what you're thinking and not something you've written down, because your grammar needs work," but I'd also say you're wrong.

Sure Valentine's has all the problems listed above, but it's still a day to celebrate love.

Of course, "Wuv, twue wuv," -- like found in "The Princess Bride" -- takes far more than a cheap line or two in a card: it takes up the rest of this column.

True Love is what happens when little Love grows up.

Love is young and unsure, likes to play games, isn't always honest and wants to have fun.

Then one day Love realizes that the things it does aren't fun for long, don't make Love all that happy and really tick people off, so Love takes a three-day mountain retreat to find itself, does some meditation, ditches all the bullplop and grows up into True Love.

True Love isn't scared of what could go wrong in a relationship; it doesn't think about what would happen if it didn't work out.

To True Love, ruining the friendship, having to work together, live together or that rather large commitment thing that involves rings and the exchange of vows not working out doesn't matter -- to True Love these things aren't issues because True Love will make everything work out.

True Love may admit there are risks but thinks the rewards outweigh them.

Love keeps making the same mistakes; True Love learns from them.

True love doesn't necessarily require dressing to the nines and spending evenings on the town drinking expensive champagne and eating caviar.

Quick recipe for True Love: spend a Friday night cooking homemade

spaghetti together, standing over the pot, stirring the sauce, hands locked around the wooden spoon you bought together earlier that day, sharing a romantic moment and then throwing pasta at each other to check and see if it's al dente yet. Let simmer as needed, add paprika. Serves two.

True Love needs equal parts seriousness, romance and fun.

True Love will never ask you if any of its pants make its butt look big, or if you think Jennifer Aniston is "so much prettier than me" when the two of you are watching "Friends."

Likewise, True Love promises to look you in the eyes when talking to you -- not at your chest -- and not to check out others when the two of you are out.

It also knows the answer to any questions about the size of a lady's posterior is "NO."

Yes, sometimes True Love will call "just because," but it knows not to overdo it to the point of being saccharin and nauseating.

True Love wants you to be happy but, unlike Love, would like your happiness to involve it in some way.

True Love will make you laugh, especially when you're crying.

True Love, like a loving parent, is always there for you when you need it, but unlike a parent, tells jokes that begin: "A blind proctologist walks into a pie-eating contest."

Contrary to what Hollywood tells us, True Love rarely, if ever, drops in unexpectedly. It takes work to find, but the payoff is better than any paycheck you'd get from any other job.

True Love can force even the single and sarcastic to wax romantic now and then.

"True love" is seven across in the crossword, with the clue "what every helpless romantic is seeking."

-- Will Mosher is a senior in English.

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