Tuesday, March 18, 2008

A Top Five From Wayback

I'd been avoiding this issue for a while, but I may as well face up to it: two of my Top Five are (for now) off limits (as the list, which is 99.9% pure fantasy--no not that kind...well, mostly--but maintains that 0.1% chance of realism by including only famous women who aren't currently married).

A new top five must be made. But before I get to that, I figured why not look back several years (let's say more or less ten years, to the late 90s, when yours truly was finishing HS and just starting college--because yes, yours truly is old. Not yet "get those damn kids off my lawn," John McCain old. But old nonetheless.)

So, while I hash out my new, current top five, here's a top five I never posted (because blogger didn't exist, and I'm pretty sure almost no one had a blog, and I was not going to get a tripod page.)

1. Sarah Michelle Gellar
I was kind of a latecomer to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I saw the previews when it came out, and all I could think of was that terrible move where Kristy Swanson fought vampire Pee-Wee Herman. Then a year later I had a class with two very attractive girls where were fans, and in the shallow interest of looking for some sort of common ground, started watching very late into Season 2. I missed the season finale the first go around, plus a few other episodes (I often was at work, and wasn't sure it was as VCR-tape worthy as The X-Files or The Simpsons) but by season 3 I was hooked. And after her turn guest-hosting SNL (famous for Will Ferrell's "I drive a Dodge Stratus" bit) I was beyond smitten with the actress that played Buffy. Sure Pam Anderson had massive jugs (and, judging from the Tommy Lee tape, no gag reflex) but she didn't hold a candle to SMG as far as I was concerned.

2. Katie Holmes.
While I enjoyed Kevin Williamson's writing (the first Scream really was good stuff), Tom Cruise's future...whatever (can't totally bring myself to say wife) was the only reason I'd watch Dawson's Creek. What struck me most was Holmes' juxtaposition of being very attractive, with a vulnerability that came from being almost unaware of it (from what I read in her first Rolling Stone feature, this wasn't all acting on her part) and it was best manifested in that asymmetrical smile of hers. There were also discussions (as serious as rum-fueled discussions amongst freshmen can get) about driving up to Williamsburg, NC to meet her. So at least I've grown up a little bit...I mean I've yet to plan a flight out to LA just to try and meet Autumn Reeser. Yet.

3. Keri Russell
Time for another confession: I used to watch Felicity. Ok, really only the first season, and part of the second. But still. It's not something many guys admit to, and I did it. I can't even say "oh, it was because it had that hot, curly-haired girl from Bon Jovi's 'Always' video in it," as I didn't find that out until later.) Mostly, I'll say it was because of Keri Russell--the smile, the hair, and most importantly: the voice. Maybe it's my musician background, but a rich speaking voice can be a huge turn on for me (it also explains my up until right before Taradise infatuation with Tara Reid, and my infatuation with Travel Channel's Samantha Brown.) But also, it was the story: bookworm follows true love to college? For a romantic sap, that's the equivalent of offering a $1,000 gift card to Bone's to a steak/scotch lover. I even referenced that specific plot point (and the show) in a likely-to-remain-unfinished novel attempt (folks from my Advanced Creative Writing Class may remember, and still resent having to read all 14 or so pages--which were actually closer to 20+ but had been shrunk down to like 9-point font and 1.5 spacing instead of double to meet the 14-page limit. And save on copy costs.)

4. Eliza Dushku
Like I said, I was a very big Buffy The Vampire Slayer fan. Now if you're looking for historical accuracy, and to pin this list down to a specific time, and that date is before "The Zeppo" aired, Eliza might not be on this list, or as high. But that episode was the clincher (and yes, I identified a good bit with Xander...even though as a guitarist and a sarcastic person maybe I should have identified more with Oz, I was just too awkward offstage.) Plus, she's a Boston fan, which is "five-by-five," as far as I'm concerned.

5. Catherine Zeta-Jones
For two reasons really: Zorro, and the Welsh accent. It's possible that Welsh isn't that sexy a language (sounds a lot like Chaucerian Old English to my untrained ears), but when the future Ms. Michael Douglas spoke it, it was.

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