Friday, October 22, 2004

Free Association Friday

Time is an invention of man, and it’s an imperfect one.

Why? Because the clock truly moves slower as it nears quitting time on Friday.

And what’s worse, they were cleaning the usual bathroom when Nature called (Nature never Text Messages, though if she did, I imagine she would do so with only the most precise spelling and punctuation and none of that “what u doin 2nite?” crap so popular with the kids today[1]) and Nature's call meant trekking to the other end of the building and having to use the Bizzaro Bathroom.

The Bizzaro Bathroom is the result of a corporate building architect taking symmetrical design too far. I work on the 4th floor of an office building, there are two main bathrooms. The elevator area is right at the center of the building, effectively halving the building (the aestheticist in me would prefer perhaps a drawn-and-quartering, but let’s realize that most companies aren’t going to bother shelling out $$$ for Gehry or someone to come in). As a result, the bathroom on the other side of the building is completely reversed in layout. The Men’s room is now on the right of the water fountain instead of the left, the sink is on your left when you enter, with urinals on the right…”yes” means “no”, “hello” means “goodbye”, there are dogs and cats, living together—mass hysteria.

But this did get me thinking that I’ve spent too much time on the crapper to not share some valuable info, so I present:

The Young Man’s Guide to Crappers in Athens

Preface—I write this as one who spent the majority of his 5 years at UGA (and 6 total in Athens) primarily on North Campus. If you’re looking for a nice place to drop the kids off at the pool in South Campus, you are, SOL.

The absolute best places are The President’s Office building (if only Mike Adams’s face was on the toilet paper)—it’s a huge bathroom too, with nice fixtures and always plenty of supplies[2]—and the bottom floor restroom in the Dean Rusk building. However, since access to these places is limited on game day, and Port-A-Pottys are both hellholes and pale imitations of good-ol’-fashioned outhouses, note that the Law Library restrooms are open on Saturdays. If you get stuck downtown, despite rumors to the contrary, all hope is not lost. Infusia is not only a smoke-free bar, it’s also the only bar in Athens where a guy can sit if need be consistently. In a pinch, Genko and The Globe can also work.

And to conclude: Today’s Made-Up Word of The Day

Trilexicatabasis. n. the art of being saved by three words (commonly “I am sorry” or “I love you”)

(Note: the word of the day is in no way a cheap and shameless ploy by the author of the blog to entice female readers, especially single ones, to “awwwww”.)

[1] And no, my use of the phrase “these kids today” does not make me a bitter, old codger. Yet. However you should be warned that if the phrase makes you spontaneously burst into the song from Bye-Bye Birdie, you will get beaten, and deservedly so. And don’t even think about singing something from Grease.
[2] It’s also large to the point that some randy folks may get impure thoughts about sneaking in there with a gal. While getting busy in the President’s building is a nice fantasy, the reality is that really high ceilings mean sound would carry very, very well. And the secretaries and campus policy don’t find bathroom coitus quite as sexy…and for legal purposes, do not ask why I know this.

1 comment:

Jamie said...

I could never, eh-hem, in a bar bathroom! That's where people have sex and do lines of coke. I've seen both in your prefered bar bathroom, Genco.

As a fan of "The Godfather," I'm surprised you didn't pick up the reference to the import company.