Thursday, May 03, 2007

That's Debatable (I): Time for the GOP Primary Drinking Game!

Tonight's the GOP Primary. I'm sure many of you share my view of the vast majority of hardcore Republicans as either Bible-thumping, evolution-is-the-devil nutjobs, filthy rich corporate schills, and/or gung-ho (but not for their own personal asses or the asses of their kids) chickenhawks, and would prefer to sink into semi-mind-numbing stupor and just watch whatever hastily created characters Dr. Addison M.-S. meets in LA that will later show up on her spin-off showcase (which I will call the greatest thing ever if they get the Chief to retire and call himself Skinny Boy while helping Addison start a detective agency.) But, in addition to getting a look at the competition, and maybe seeing a former NYC mayor that hates ferrets put on a Rockettes uniform and sing a number from Guys and Dolls, it's also a chance to try out my new drinking game:

(Plus, you might actually learn something. For example, did you know that one GOP candidate, Ron Paul, thinks we should get out of Iraq? Did you even know there was a guy named Ron Paul running for president? No, Ron Paul, not Ru Paul...)

Take one (1) drink anytime a candidate:
Mentions Reagan
Talks about returning to "traditional" roots or anything else party-related having to do with tradition.
Rudy mentions 9/11
Mentions "family values"
Says something negative about Harry Reid

Take two (2) drinks anytime a candidate:
Says "stay the course" or variant thereof in regards to Iraq
Accuses the Democrats of "cutting and running" or "surrendering"
Mentions "progress" but doesn't define what the progress is

Take a shot if:
McCain scares you or the crowd with one of his responses
Any candidate not named Ron Paul disagrees with Bush Administration policy

Chug a fifth of liqour (your choice) if any of the follow occurs:
A candidate says "the current administration was wrong about everything."
A candidate says "you know, we should let the gays get married."
John McCain answers all questions to the tune of old Beach Boys songs
Mitt talks about his "sacred underwear" or some of the other more esoteric aspects of his faith
A deranged Fred Thompson barges onto the set, demands the other candidates "kneel before Zod" and declares his nomination all wrapped up.

And if you've read the polls that show Rudy beating Hilary, Obama or Edwards nationwide, salute a toast anytime some other, less likely to win a national election candidate gives a better answer than Rudy.


(We at ExcerptsFromAWorkInProgress Inc. bear no legal responsibility for any liver damage or other phyisical or emotional truama you may--who are we kidding "may"--experiance whilst playing this game.)

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