Friday, September 21, 2007

Don't Feed the Armani Bear

(Seriously, the only thing they could do to make this look more pompous is broadcast it over 50-foot tv screens...but the Bush administration currently holds copyrights on all things Orwellian, so there ya go. Oh, and Saban totally doesn't have time for this shit below.)

The Rose-Colored Glasses Take:
Despite Saban's rep as a defensive genius, the talent that Joe Kines (sidenote: seriously why couldn't even one of Joe's Ds when he was at UGA have performed as well as the Ds he coached at Bama? It's really the football equivalent of dating a 5 or 6 and running into them after plastic-surgery--or many hours in the gym--turned them into a 9 or 10) stocked up on in Tuscaloosa isn't there anymore.

(I was going to post a clever or funny "before-and-after" pic here, but the first thing that came up in Google image search was The Thing That Once Was Tara Reid's Ass, so instead here's a pensive but still gorgeous Sofia Bush leaning against a wall.)

They're playing more zone coverage, which could be a brilliant adjustment, or evidence that Bama's cornerbacks aren't at the level Saban had back at LSU. Arkansas demolished their front seven, and while Moreno and Brown aren't quite McFadden an Jones, if they can top half the 300+ rush yards, the Dawgs' offense is in good shape.

Plus, despite the drops and inconsistances, it's not too big a stretch to say Stafford and the UGA wideouts are a better passing threat than Casey Dick and Arkansas with Marcus Monk sitting the game out injured. If speedster Demiko Goodman continues to prove he can catch as well as run the 100m in a shade over 10 seconds, points can be scored. John Parker Wilson brought Bama back, but his errant throws let Arkansas back in the game too.

(Saban also is the spitting image of Ray Wise, who played Leland Palmer on Twin Peaks, which means Saban may secretly be the evil spirit, or Wendigo, or whatever, called BoB. Here,
go read about him on Wikipedia then go buy some Twin Peaks DVDs. I won't promise this will make sense though.)

The Cumberland Report:
This won't be pretty.

Western Carolina had a 3-3 tie with the Dawgs going into the 2nd quarter. They got QB pressure (and a sack). Saban's Ds are known for pressure. Pressure-causing D vs. young, inexperienced offensive line making their first road start in a football-mad place like T-town? Let's just hope injury-wise it doesn't turn into a reverse of Bama's last visit to Athens.

John Parker Wilson is easily the best QB the Dawgs' D has faced (and why, oh why, did the turnover-prone version of Blake Mitchell wait until last week to show up?) and DJ Hall is easily the best wideout. This is probably the best passing attack the D has faced since the Game That Shall Not Be Named I attended last season, only they're coached by a former cult leader I thought was dead.

Oh, Major Applewhite, not Marshall.
Still, if they break out some fancy Nikes stay away.

Arkansas scored and ran at will against their D (eventually) but the Dawgs have no one on Darren McFadden's level (and really, other than UGA in the early 80s, Auburn in the mid-80s, OSU for one season in the later 80s or USC a few years ago, no one does.) Alabama's D doesn't have the talent in the front seven SoCar has, but going against an unproven line and an offense as kick-to-the-groin painfully inconsistant as UGA's they won't have to. UGA's QBs get sacked at least 6 or 7 times, possibly forcing the bad Matt Stafford out of hiding, passes get dropped, and Bama depants the Dawgs by a sadly large margin, while liquor stores near me rejoice.

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