Friday, September 28, 2007

Your Friday Bipolar Football Prognostication

(If Andre 3000 can show up for Okie State, maybe T.I. can show up for a trap game.)

The Cumberland Report:
As Doug already noted (with illustrations), the Dawgs have two (maybe three) bad track-records that could coincide in tomorrow's game:

1. Poor showings following up big, emotional wins.
Oddly enough this wasn't the case following the first massive win off the Richt era, as they restrapped on the hobnail boots and walked a mudhole in Vandy's ass the next week. And they did pretty well after ripping Auburn a new mascot-hole last season. But there are also games like the 2004 UT game, lackluster, closer-than-they-should-have-been games like the 2002 UT game (and really almost any win prior to the Tech game that season), UAB in 2005...etc.

2. Playing to the level of competition. See 2005 UAB game again, or even getting into the conservative, run mostly, pass occasionally Chinese Water Torture offensive game played by SOS this season.

2b. Lack of focus against lesser or perceived lesser opponents (see also: the Western Carolina game.)

Ole Miss has enough playmakers to make a sonambulant Georgia team pay. I hope our secondary is better than Florida's at this point, but it's possible the Ole Miss QB finally had the "stop sucking" lightbulb go off over his head.

Plus, BenJarvis Green-Ellis, in addition to having more names than the entire two deep at RB for other teams on the schedule, is the best back the Dawgs have faced, and unlike Cult Leader Major Applewhite and Terry Grant, the Rebs won't go whole periods without giving him a carry.

There are also added distractions.

Coach O could go crazy and begin to eat Georgia players and coaches (I'm also concerned that he shares the sideline with UGA VI.)

(Seriously, would anyone in their right mind let any animal mascot smaller than Bevo or Ralphie near this guy? If I'm the facilities director for LSU, I keep even Mike away, because I think Coach O would at least
try to eat a tiger.)

Also, Georgia's lackluster performance in Oxford last year I think is directly attributable to the fact that Ole Miss is probably the only SEC school to boast a greater amount of ravingly attractive coeds than UGA. If Ole Miss's sorority girls travel well, the team may be prone to distraction as they near the visiting team's sections.

As the following clips culled from the YouTubes demonstrate, lasses hailing from Faulkner's favorite SEC school are winsome, but unlikely to actually own, or have read any of his works:

Though to be fair, I'm pretty sure this gal, and her fellow female fans below, are a wee bit tipsy (just maybe):

(Side note: I'm convinced every sorority at every major Southern University has some sort of secret requirement that at least one sister must, like the blonde on the right above, look hot, but also a good solid decade above her actual age. There really needs to be a word for this: the girls that are usually 19 or 20, but could easily pass for 30+. Is it just me?)

(On the flip side, as there are statistically more women in college than men, it's theoretically possible that more Ole Miss ladies make the trip than men, and if they lose, I will be there to hook up with console them.)

The Rose-Colored Glasses View:
The coaching staff knows about the opportunities missed in Tuscaloosa. The players have been told about the missed opportunities. Steps have been run, at asscrack-of-dawn-seems-like-sleeping-in-by-comparison hours. The lesson will, finally, be learned, and Ole Miss shall be beaten down.

If Matt Stafford was looking for a great shot at getting his first 300+ yard passing game, playing a team ranked worse against the pass than Louisville (!!!) should do it. Afterwards he can pick up an empty beer keg and cavort with the younger Ole Miss hotties not interested in slightly older, more mature UGA grads that also run a blog prognosticating happy and unhappy outcomes to all of UGA's games.

(And I'm seriously going to buy this T-Shirt...)

Meaning, the only logical outcome is Col. Reb leaves Crying:

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