The Daily Show should hire me...

(Or maybe Weekend Update, or Conan, or Dave...)

Comic Improvs making fun of both the Yankees postseason impotence and Dubya's Iraq War impotence.

1st Variation:
The New York Yankees fell to the Cleveland Indians last night; exiting in the first round for the third year in a row. Worse, the Yankees haven't won a World Series title since 2000, and owner George Steinbrenner has spent $1.6 billion in payroll during that span.

Reached for comment, President Bush remarked "$1.6 billion with nothing to show for it? That's nothing! Have you seen this new Iraq War Spending Bill? Now watch this drive."

2nd Variation:
The New York Yankees fell to the Cleveland Indians last night; exiting in the first round for the third year in a row. Worse, the Yankees haven't won a World Series title since 2000, and owner George Steinbrenner has spent $1.6 billion in payroll during that span.

Reached for comment, President Bush remarked, "It took them six years to waste $1.6 billion? We'd spent that much yesterday in no-bid contracts."

3rd Variation:
In a surprise move, Yankees Owner George Steinbrenner announced he would retire...to take a position with the Bush Administration. The President declined to comment, but White House Press Secretary Dana Perino issued a statement:
"We just feel Mr. Steinbrenner is a perfect fit for this administration: he's loathed by millions, makes completely irrational decisions on the spur of the moment, regardless of the facts; and he has no qualms about spending billions with no tangible results. He might even make a great president one day."
Reached for comment, Rudy Guiliani said, "9/11, 9/11, global war on terror, 9/11," before taking a planned phone call from his mistress...er, wife.