Kill Phil Parts 1 & 2

Transcript of the trailer for Quentin Tarantino's new film Kill Phil:

DISPLAY CARD: October, 2006

EXT. Sanford Stadium, 2nd Half.
THERE'S CARNAGE ALL AROUND, AND WHAT WAS TO BE THE HAPPIEST DAY FOR THE DOGS HAS TURNED INTO A BLOODLETTING

ERIK AINGE
I know you think I'm a bastard, but trust me, this is me at my most beautiful.

*SHOT FIRED*

*FADE TO BLACK*

DISPLAY CARD: REUSE THAT KLINGON PROVERB ONE THAT WORKED SO WELL LAST TIME
2007
EXT. NEYLAND STADIUM. HALFTIME
FULMER
You didn't think it would be easy did you?
MARK RICHT
You know...for a second there...I actually did.

COMING THIS OCTOBER

And now, this week's edition:

The CUMBERLAND REPORT
This is a pretty easy worst-case scenario to envision at this point. It would be a repeat of last year's game, only the Dawgs would blow an even larger first half lead, and the Vols would score even more points. Think getting a full 4 TD lead or more, then losing by 7 TDs or something.

Erik Ainge has been the Anti-Clausen for the Vols. He was nothing special in 2004, but he didn't screw up either. SoCar's already proven that if you add that to either a D disrupting Georgia's offense enough, or if the Dawgs forget and take their stone hand gloves with them to Knoxville, well that can get you a win.

(Sadly Ainge does not come from Emu stock.)

Last year's incarnation of That Guy Who's Related To That Guy From The Celtics destroyed Georgia's D with the precision and gusto of John Madden attacking a Turducken following a hungerstrike. He was aided by a Georgia offense that apparently decided that for the second half, the football was hot potato.

(My memory of last year's UT game from about the 2nd half on.)

Turnovers, drops, and Erik Ainge doing what he's done all season could easily lead to a game where I turn away from the TV in disgust (or to vomit) early in the 3rd quarter or sooner. I can look at the stats that have UT dead last in scoring...but John Chavis has never fielded a completely inept, Cool Breeze/UGA 1999-level-sucky D. Ever. Even in the Vols 5-6 season they could stop folks. And just maybe Cal and Florida are a wee bit better on offense than the Dawgs.

Not to mention, word out of the AD office in Knoxville is "No coach's job hinges on this game," which is the AD speak equivalent to when the girl you're dating says "we need to talk," (particularly when not prefaced by your name or some cute little endearment like "baby.") The threat of getting fired just may work as motivation.

("And then your one goal is just to not get fired...")

The Rose-Colored Glasses View

But maybe, just maybe, since the Vols do return a tiny # of starters on D, and they haven't had the same starting 11 all year, and since even Arkansas State had a RB top the century mark against them (after a looooong stretch in which no RB did), there just might be some validity in their Defensive stats, despite the relatively tiny sample size.

UGA's O vs. UT's D is a Strength vs. Weakness matchup, as are UGA's return teams vs. UT's kick coverage.

In addition to turnovers creating short fields for Ainge nearly all second-half long, UT also had three great WRs, and UGA had slow LBers. Those WRs have graduated and moved on to the NFL, and UGA has a much faster front 7, particularly with Washington seeing less time.

UT's players have also not responded well to adversity in previous seasons in which things turned south. In a way this could be a reverse of the 2005 season, in which the D began to resent the hapless O. Ainge and Coker and co. could come to hate a sieve-like D for not holding a lead (though it should provide an excellent chance at stat-padding.)

(Keri Russel is cautiously optimistic about the Dawgs' chances Saturday.)

The speedy D should do just enough to slow down Ainge and the passing game while mostly keeping the Vols from the hideous checkerboard end zone. Brown and Moreno should once again make the play-action game a major threat, and if Sean Bailey, Mikey Henderson, or Demiko Goodman start catching some deep passes, it could be a great day for the Dawgs.