Thursday, November 08, 2007

Henry DeTamble's Georgia Predictions (Special Time-Traveler Edition)

Today I temporarily turn blog duties over to a wealthy Chicagoan, as he can actually travel back in time and give a good/bad preview of UGA-Troy. But as he can't exactly control where in time he goes, or so he's claimed, we wound up with a few other musings. Without further adieu, here we go:

(Saturday, November 8, 1980 Henry is 28, Clare is 9)

Henry: Definitely back in the past. That Will guy told me to look for Georgia fans and that there probably wouldn't be many fans of the other team. He also gave me some photos of what the UGA campus and downtown Athens look like.
(Fig 1.)

(Fig 2.)

It was an odd thing to have someone be not only non-plussed about my "condition" but to actually hire me to help his "blog." What an ugly word. Apparently it's some sort of pseudo-journalism. He also claimed to know Clare, the gorgeous, odd girl that already claimed to know me that came in the library the other day. He threw in an extra UGA jersey and told me not to wear it myself, but, "if things worked out" let Clare have it, as he claimed "jerseys look a lot better on women than men." He also told me that it might be good to invest in the Euro, Pound Sterling, and even the Canadian dollar around 2003 or so, which I think is pretty ridiculous. What the hell's a Euro anyway?

But this place is not Athens. Lots of mulleted guys in jean shorts. I score a ticket from some noisy jackass Florida alum named Steve wearing a visor and go into the game. It's not going too well for Georgia at first, but then something amazing happens...I was stunned and after the game talked with this guy named Lewis about it:

"Georgia behind 21-20, ninety-three yards away, time running out.

'We need a miracle!' screamed Dorsey Hill, now fortified with more than collards.

Georgia got its miracle. Buck Belue to Lindsay Scott, for ninety-three yards and the winning touchdown with only seconds remaining. If that wasn’t enough, there was the astounding news from Atlanta. Georgia Tech had tied No.1 Notre Dame. Surely, Georgia will be ranked first in America when the ratings are released.

'A tie was a gift from Heaven,' said Dorsey. “Notre Dame gets knocked out of number one but Tech doesn’t get a win. God is a Bulldog.”


Then this Dorsey character came over, drunk in ways I couldn't even fathom, threatening Lewis with retribution for leaving the game early. Then I blacked out. Strike one.

(Saturday, December 7, 2002 Henry is 28, Clare is 31)

Henry: For a second I thought I'd found my way to Chicago again. It was not snowing, but it was plenty cold. I saw some drunk Georgia fans coming out of a parking garage and scored some moderately warm clothes and some very warm Jack and Cokes from them. Turns out I'm in Atlanta, and it's UGA's first-ever trip to the SEC Championship game. I see a guy that looks like a much-younger version of that Will guy walk past with a very attractive redhead, with what looked like freshly straightened hair, spouting some nonsense about "being nervous riding the elevator at The Sundial." It didn't make much sense, but I blamed the Jack.

The fans tried to be a bit nervous about Arkansas alleged "speed", but the only real disappointment came while watching the VT-Miami game. Had Virginia Tech won, UGA would have been in contention for something called the BCS National Title game. Which I guess is like a regular title game, but with more sponsors.

The Dawg fans were confident, the team destroyed Arkansas, and someone told me The Sundial was actually a revolving restaurant/bar some 70 stories up. Then I blacked out. Strike two.

3rd time's the charm right?

(Friday, November 2nd, 2007 Henry is 28, Clare is 35)

Henry: Ok, I think this time I've made it. It's dark, crowded, and there's no ringing bell. There are a lot of people around, so I quickly grab a discarded Halloween costume (at least I think that's what it is, unless somehow Zoot Suits are in fashion again in the future) and duck into the nearest bar for a drink. Some place called Tasty World.

According to the sideboard where the soundman is having a PBR, the band playing is called The Redcoats. The rock pretty hard, but in a kind of retro way. If the Kinks had somehow been punk, and they had a singer that really, really liked Mick Jagger's style, they'd be this band. There are some cute, but kind of young girls milling about, and then I see Will and figure the easiest way to do this is to just ask him his take. He was too busy or lazy or whatever to write in time, but he can still put some thought into it.

"Ok," he said, "here's The Cumberland Take:

"History was in the Dawgs' favor last week, not so much this week. The previous two times when those combinations of factors--The Red Sox winning the World Series--

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah, it happens twice in the early 2000s. Place a bet in 2004 on them coming back from 3-0 in the ALCS against the Yankees if you want to make a ton of money. Myself living in Atlanta and not Athens, plus UGA being undefeated against defending National Title Gator teams...well each time that's happened, the Dawgs lost the next game. It seems like it takes so much out of them to try and get that 800-lb. Gator gorilla off their backs, they don't have much left right after. And in 1997 and 2004 there were no huge celebrations after the first TD.

"Worse, Troy is no cupcake team. The walloped the piss out of Okie St., even more than the Dawgs did, and they did it in OSU's place. If the Dawgs come out flat, it could be UT game bad, except worse, because at least half the stadium will think Troy is a run-of-the-mill, take-the-check-and-get-beat Homecoming team."

"But what's the upside?"

"Well, the Rose-Colored View would be the Dawgs figured this offense thing out late against Vandy.

Moreno is a badass. Give him carries and he'll produce a buck-fifty at least, and that makes the passing game better. The WRs have held onto the ball, and caught it too, while the line has been awesome. If they keep doing that, even if the D struggles a bit, they run away with the game.

Good enough. I'm about to ask for an extra beer on him, when I black out.

(Saturday, November 12, 2005 Henry is 28, Clare is 33)

Henry: I'm back in Athens, but things feel different. I was able to get clothes with no trouble (the bonus of materializing in a closed clothing shop) but maybe I'm not alone here. I saw some other time-traveler, or possibly a very drunk person, run by, then get tackled by cops. The UGA fans were out and about, but very few looked happy. I hope this doesn't foretell bad things to come for Will's team...and then I black out.

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