Friday, September 12, 2008

Now it's getting real

This is the point where these features get harder to write (must...not...make...joke...about...SoCar's mascot...and..."harder"...) for me.

It's one thing to speculate about the confluence of bad luck and downright freakish things necessary to imagine a UGA upset at Georgia Southern or Central Michigan's hands. There's almost no stress, because the chance of the upset happening is rarer than Ohio playing Ohio State close deep into the 4th quarter. Wait a second...

The Cumberland Report
On the other hand, worst-case scenarios become a little easier to envision. What's worse than losing again to a lesser team; a loss that, more or less, cost you the chance to depants Ohio St for the first nation title since 1980? Losing to that lesser team again, only this time around, that lesser team'd already lost to Vanderbilt. And it's not senior QB Blake Mitchell doing the minimal damage, but some guy named Stinky, or Shitty, or Smelley. Something along those lines.

It'd involve taking an offense that scored 100+ points and over 1,000 yds and having it transformed again by the South Carolina D (and inept execution) into something best viewed with protective goggles. And it'd involve ankle-twisted plays like the ones that 'Cocks inflicted on UGA back in the late 90s.

It'd be ugly, heartbreaking, and more or less end any national title talk for the Dawgs this year.

The Rose-Colored View
But, all that said, the stats are in UGA's favor. Lately, the Dawgs have beaten the cocks (must...avoid...crude...joke) more on the road than at home. Ideally, they'll see that SC has linebackers north of 250 lbs and run the fat fuckers ragged with short screens and misdirection runs. As good as SoCar's D has been so far, they still can be run on. And last year the coaches hadn't figured out what they had with Knowshon. This year? Well, maybe he saw what Darren McFadden did to SoCar last year and he wants to top it. 600+ rushing yds and 9 tds after Saturday? Plus shutting out Spurrier for the second straight trip to Columbia? Even Ice Cube would call that a good day.

The reality? It's likely to fall somewhere between all that. UGA rarely gets an L at SoCar's hands, but it's even rarer when they win so dominantly that the game's never really in doubt. I recommend keeping strong drink handy to calm the nervous, and don't let folks with heart conditions least after this it'll get easier...just like when the Israelites had it easy once they escaped Egypt. Right?

Maybe they need some Attractive Brunettes From TV mojo, just in case:

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