Tuesday, October 03, 2006

With Hands Of Stone, The Mighty Gladiators Prevaileth...

Lately the first week in October has been a happy week for me.

But hold on, happy is an inadequate adjective here.

It’s UGA-UT week.

Normally I feel good, because lately UGA has owned the Vols to the point that Fulmer contacted legal representation after the 2003 game to see if the 13th Amendment could be invoked (that’s my theory for how they won in 2004—that and the phantom block-in-the-back from Leonard Pope).
(He caught it with his hands...)

But there’s also some deep-rooted angry and rage, with a side dish of good-old-fashion-ill-wishing.

Because, after all, it is Tennessee.

The way I see it, rivals fall into 4 different taxonomies (excluding the “Yeah, I Don’t Care What Y’all Say, You Aren’t A Rival”): The Sibling, The Hated-But-Respected, The You Can’t Lose, and The Just Plain Ill-Wished and Hated.

Auburn would be The Sibling. You fight, you call each other names, sometimes you even point and laugh when someone else pulls their pants down, but they’ve been good to you occasionally, so it’s hard to really hate them (until they turn the “sprinklers” on you). Plus, you dislike some of the same people, you think their girl is hot (because let's face it, we kind of like Bama--what with the whole Auburn- and UT-hatred--and lately, Bama's been Auburn's bitch).

Florida, much as it pains me, is hated, but respected. The 1990s were a painful and humbling time, and losing to talent- and coaching-deficient Florida squads in the 2000s is in many ways worse. My hope is that one day we'll get some win streaks against them, and then that whole "you know, your football history (sic) seems to only start in 1990..."

Tech is the game you just don’t lose. Ask Donnan about that one. Calvin Johnson? Don't care. He's still got Chan Gailey coaching him and Reggie "I've had a good game if I approach 50% completions and turn it over less than I get it to CJ" Ball throwing it to him. Vs. VT? 75% of Reggie's mediocre completion percetage was made up of throws to Johnson. Stop the run, put Oliver and a safety on CJ and Tech has no offense. Plus, there's still Gailey coaching.

And UT? I just hate them. Beat UT and you never outplayed them, according to their players or coach. But if you lose on a bad call, they beat you. In High School and a highly rated football prospect? Fulmer will eat all the food in your house, then tell you you’ll start, and then tell you that Coach _____ at the other school you’re thinking about is leaving for the NFL/Miami/FSU or retiring/getting fired really soon.


I wish them ill.

And this week sucks a bit, because it’s harder to get my glasses rose-colored enough to see a way to continue the Dawg dominance over Smokey the giant sewer rat.

It basically boils down to the Georgia passing game, which save a few plays in the 4th quarter vs. Colorado and give-or-take some of Stafford’s better passes against South Carolina, is best viewed through a box with a little hole in it.
(Here, a Graduate Assistant looks at film from the Ole Miss game)

And the big problem is: it’s not the QBs. Sure, none of the triumvirate of Stafford, Cox and JT3 have invoked comparisons to John Elway (excluding irrational exuberance on blogs and message boards after seeing Stafford’s High School highlight reel). I’ve mentioned concerns about Dr. John Eason’s abilities to coach WRs before, and now that last year’s star WR appears to try and make his catches with two hand-shaped granite sculptures, my doubts are, shall we say, far from alleviated. Someone finally convinced Martrez Millner that catching the ball with his hands is a good thing, and now not one WR seems to have hands (possible exception: Demiko Goodman, who still had one drop, even if it was kind of a high pass, vs. Ole Miss.)

Are there any other freshmen WRs besides Kris Durham that can be given a shot? Because if we can’t catch, we don’t beat UT.

My strategy: bring in Patches O’Houlihan.

“If you can catch a wrench, you can catch a ball.” If it doesn’t work, it’s certainly more painful than gassers, and maybe they can learn that way.

Because my dislike of UT really stems from seeing thier jackass, mono-toothed fanbase celebrate in Athens (1998 and 2004 is two times too many). Don't let it happen again. Catch that ball and dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge your way to TDs guys. Or Fulmer might eat us all.

1 comment:

Jamie said...

See you're all angry and all I can think of this when we finally beat them in '00 when the goal posts came down.

What a great night that was.